


Remus in the bathroom

by Ironicprincessemo



Category: Sander Sides
Genre: Angst, Be More Chill - Freeform, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Song: Michael in the Bathroom (Be More Chill), Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:55:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25680202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironicprincessemo/pseuds/Ironicprincessemo
Summary: Remus in the bathroomInspired by the song Michael in the bathroom by be more chill
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Remus in the bathroom

Remus ran to the bathroom locking the door behind him. He couldn't take their judgemental stares any longer or see the look on their faces as they struggled not to voice the thought that was on most of their minds : what are you doing here? you don't belong here if he was honest with himself that particular question played again and again in remus's mind like a broken record

The answer janus. You see while remus hid himself from the world the sides and even thomas were celebrating having the biggest party they had thrown that fall and what were they celebrating : janus's acceptance it was poetic in a meloncoly way that the party was happening in fall because ever since janus had come back after the putting others first episode with the biggest grin on his face that remus had ever seen on the snake side and told him the good news remus had felt like he was falling and he didn't know when or if he would stop

He could probably just sink out and no one would even realise he'd left well, that wasn't entirely true they would be relieved that they didn't have to deal with him anymore but he wasn't a people pleaser so he just stayed where he was picking at grout trying not to fully break down. He'd been fine when it had just been janus and him even when virgil had left as long as they were partners in crime; a pair of misfits; an us against a them he could face anything but now he felt like he was being split again so why was this time so much more painful?

He tried to convince himself that it was no fault of his that janus was leaving him simply that thomas needed him more but that was hard to believe when it kept fucking happening roman, virgil and now   
Janus

Now he was remus just a creeper in the bathroom all by himself.   
He heard a loud laugh "see" his mind taunted "he doesn't need you he'll forget all about you and he already has the perfect replacement roman the newer cooler better in everyway version of you"   
he leaned his head against the wooden door he strained his hearing and he heard what he thought was logan drunkly singing along to Whitney Houston " I wanna dance with somebody" while that would usually make him laugh like a dying hyena it now only made tears stream down his face as it reminded him that he had no one to make fun of light sides with anymore. 

Choking back tears he dicided if he did decide to face them again he'd blame his red eyes on weed or claim he'd stabbed something in to his eye no one would question it he was intrusive thoughts he did what he wanted when he wanted he didn't need a reason or maybe they just didn't care enough to question it. probably not  
Not that he was planning on leaving anytime soon  
Apparently not everyone had got the memo someone banged on the door and by the force of the hits against the wood remus guessed it was roman

"Yeah I'll be out soon" he lied though that didn't stop roman banging on the door in fact the banging got louder and louder until remus couldn't tell the difference between that and gunshots like he was fighting a battle with everyone against him stuck in a tactical battlefield 

On shaking legs he pulled himself up leaning against the sink for support and turned on the tap as cold as it would go and splashed his face

Splash,splash,splash he tried to let his bad feelings wash away down the plug hole just like the water itdidn't work. It never did but he felt a little better and he thought he could manage to put his emotional mask back on but then realised he didn't have to.   
the banging had stopped roman had gone  
He didn't care about him anyway

He turned back to the sink catching himself in the bathroom mirror and he nearly laughed at the pathetic sight hair dishevelled and eye makeup staining his entire face. His hair was usually dishevelled but this was different it was dishevelled not because he wanted it to be but because he couldn't be bothered to sort it out

Sure he had days like that back when virgil and janus had been part in the dark side and they'd watch cheesy low budget horror films (as not to set off virgil's anxiety as much) and he'd feel better but with the sink overflowing bringing him back to the present it was a painful reminder that they were out there enjoying themselves while he was left in a cold bathroom alone.

He should have stayed in his room and watched porn or went to his side of the imagination and terrorised a village of people or maybe build up enough courage to finally do it. 

To off himself. While sides couldn't exactly die the process would be laughably simple. go to the edge of the mind and cross over to the subconscious and poof he'd be gone. Thomas would still experience all that he encompassed but he the physical person wouldn't exist

Intrusive thoughts being a lot of who he was the thought had of course crossed his mind but he'd never entertained or even listened to the thought 

Until recently 

But he knew deep down that never actually do it although he talked at length about thomas and his friends dying in a multitude of terrible ways the idea of dying terrified him, kept him up at night he also knew he was much too cowardly to take the funal steps in to the subconscious

So he stayed where he was in the bathroom alone breaking and no one to put him back together again a loner. a loser.

if this was one of roman's stories now would be the time someone would break down the bathroom door pull the green side close to their chest a steady stream of reassurencences that he was loved. that he was important. that he wouldn't be alone anymore. would come from the side as remus cried into their shirt completely soaking it which of course remus would apologise for but the other side wouldn't mind staying with the side until he felt a little better

But this wasn't one of roman's stories this was remus's so of course no body did come.


End file.
